Andrew Q. Gordon

Author: Andrew

  • I Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Lives With Another Selfless Request For Support:

    In less than three weeks the people of Maryland are going to vote on my civil rights. For anyone reading from another country, yes this happens all the time in the United States – seems like every year some religious group manages to put on the ballot a referendum question asking the citizens of one state or another to vote to limit the civil rights of gays and lesbians. For a country that touts the separation of church and state, it is astounding how much of our civil rights are control by religion.

    But in 2012, the Maryland legislators voted to pass civil equality on the issue of marriage.  Contrary to the scare tactics of the religious right and the republican party, Maryland’s marriage equality does not adversely affect any religious community. Yet their ads on TV continue to try to scare folks into believing their religious freedom is at stake. (more…)

  • Updates and Ramblings

    It’s been a bit since my lost post – having a baby turn one can tie up your time like no one’s business.  And it’s been even longer since an update on what’s next writing wise.  So here we go –

    First a few more shameless plugs: (more…)

  • Marriage Equality Maryland – Part II

    Sunday I said this would be a two part post, but didn’t quite get to it last night.  What started this was an article in the Washington Post Editorial section I read on Sunday.

    Why I Oppose Gay Marriage.

    The author claims to be a gay man, but is also a co-founder of the local Tea Party chapter. Among other things, he says he was for gay marriage before, but after reading up on the topic he found he could not defend his position and is opposed to it now.  He concludes by saying he is all for equal rights for same sex couples, but wants them to be called something different. (more…)

  • Gay Marriage In Maryland – Part One

    This is going to be a two part post. Today, in Part One, a more positive post.  Tomorrow’s will deal with an editorial in the Washington Post by someone who made – in my opinion – some ridiculous arguments. But today will be non-confrontational.

    Today there was a fund raiser for Equality Maryland – the lobbying group trying to get the referendum on the gay marriage bill to pass.  Originally it was supposed to be a screening of a movie with some comments by the State Attorney General, Doug Gansler.  Attorney General Gansler was one the first high profile elected official to support same sex marriage in Maryland. His office took the position that Maryland HAD to recognize same sex marriages from other states under the state constitution.  That position was recently upheld by the courts in Maryland. By the time we arrived, the Governor, the Lt. Governor and the Congressman from that district all agreed to speak.  The event raised a fair bit of money, though probably not enough given how much money is being spent by opponents. (more…)

  • One Person Can Make A Difference For Gay Rights.

    What prompted this post is a story about Chick-fil-A possibly ending it’s support of anti-gay marriage groups.  According to this story, Chick-fil-A has agreed to stop funding anti-gay—which means anti-gay marriage as well since those are mostly one and the same—at least that is what Chicago Alderman Joe Moreno, who has been fighting the construction of a Chick-fil-A in Chicago, said today.

    I hope he’s correct, the company didn’t formally agree with the Alderman’s announcement, but I’d say that after 10 months of fighting Chick-fil-A and all the success he’s had, he must feel pretty confident he won for him to now support the construction of the store.

    Not that it matters, but I don’t think Alderman Moreno is gay. That he has taken this stand is all the more remarkable given he’s a newly elected official.  Stands like his, that welcome the adversity that come with them, deserve to be acknowledged.  For what little it’s worth – Thank you Joe Moreno!

    In a similar story, what about Brendon Ayanbadejo?  He’s a straight pro-football player for the Baltimore Ravens who public spoke out in favor of gay marriage in Maryland. This article in the NY Times talks about where his life views came from.  For this man to do this to help people like my partner and I who don’t have the ‘bully pulpit’ that comes with celebrity status is astounding. If you read the articles you’ll see where he took a lot of crap, had people call him gay, ask him in the locker room when he’d be coming out as a gay, it would have been so easy for him to cave in and shut up, but he kept at it, even chiding President Obama for not supporting gay marriage.  Thank you Brendon Ayanbadejo!

    One person can make a difference.

  • Writing With A Baby

    In two very different areas of my life—writing and having a child—I got a late start. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a writer and even though I knew I was gay, I always thought I’d be a dad some day. Both dreams took decades to become a reality, each for different reasons.

    I started writing in college. My school allowed for independent study programs, but it require a bit of leg work. The student had to come up with the program, find an adviser, convince them you were serious and that your project had merit if you wanted credit for your dream class.  I managed to do this for a creative writing class.  I passed, got an “A” and then focused on law school.  I still have many of the ‘original’ stories, each on a yellow legal pads or in black and white note books. But as time and my career became more intense, writing took a back seat.  It was only after Mike and I were together a good number of years that he encouraged me to write.  Guess he knew more about me than I did.

    Having a child proved a bit more labor intensive than writing.  For writing all I needed was a good laptop and I was set.  Sadly, having a child required much, much more.  One of the first considerations, perhaps the first, is what method to use.  Adoption can be fairly inexpensive if you go the foster care adoption route. But we wanted a baby—which left two realistic paths; third-party adoptions or surrogacy.  I won’t go into the pros and cons of each, but the short story is that surrogacy had a more definitive time-table, you didn’t need to wait for someone to pick you to adopt their child and there was no thirty day grace period where the birth mom could change her mind and take her child back.  For us surrogacy was the way to go.  The next biggest hurdle was money—surrogacy is, in word, expensive.

    The last piece of the puzzle—before the surrogate and the other issues involved in the actual process—was location. Where would we live. At the time we started to get serious about a child, we lived in Virginia, the state that soon after we moved there, passed an anti-gay amendment and didn’t allow second party adoptions for same-sex couples. 😐   Fixing that problem required a move to DC or Maryland.  So we sold the house in VA, found a new house, moved in, fixed it up and kept saving.

    Fast forward to today, we have a daughter who is biologically one of ours.  For those who’ve followed me through the surrogacy process and her first year, I’ve referred to my daughter on-line as ‘lil q to protect her privacy.  [Q being the nickname I got on Gay Authors.]  Here’s a ‘lil q update.

    ‘lil q will be a year old in ten days.  Her arrival has certainly changed our lives in so many ways, most of them we expected.  But I’ll confess, I expected I’d have had more time to write than I find I have lately. Part of that is underestimating how tired an infant/toddler can make me. The other is just sheer stupidity on my part.  Why I thought I could just settle in and write after she went to sleep is beyond me.  As if all the things I used to do that I have to put off while she’s awake were going to magically get done.  Like I said, stupid me.

    But, I’m starting to find a bit more balance and a bit more time to write now that she is in daycare.  The trade-off is, I don’t see her as much.  It’s only been eight days, so I’m not sure if it will feel normal at some point. But for now, I miss seeing her here on my days off. Even with the nanny taking care of her, I still had more time with her when I was off work.

    Two days into daycare, she got a cold. Three days later, she had two ear infections. That caused us to miss our first swim class since we started in June.  The remarkable thing is she didn’t miss a beat.  I only suspected she had an ear infection because she started rubbing her ears. Clearly life is too good for her to be slowed down by an ear infection or two.

    Daycare started with her being less than happy when we left.  Now? It’s almost like – “Okay daddy, you can go now, I’m going to go play with the other kids or the toys here.  See you when you come get me at 5 pm.” But at least she’s always happy to see us when we come get her.

    Adjusting to life with her in daycare means I have to make better use of my time to see more of her. So this Sunday, when she stirred, I got her up, dressed her for the day knowing grandma was coming, and they we went out for a walk. One of the great things of living near a major university is walkability. We got in the stroller and off we went for daddy to get his coffee and then a stop at the deli for breakfast. ‘lil q generally is a good eater who will eat regular food.  After eggs, yogurt and fruit [which the staff at Jason’s Deli were very accommodating to make for me even though it wasn’t on the menu], daughter and daddy set off for the farmer’s market.  One thing I’ve learned is ‘lil q loves her walks in the stroller. She is a curiously little thing who loves to look around.

    When we got home we found out Grandma was feeling ill, so no visit.  Daddy/Daughter day continued with the mundane task of grocery shopping – which I had planned to do while grandma watched the baby.  This is how the afternoon ended.  My little angel.   🙂

  • Things I Learned . . . .

    When little kids get sick, they produce an infinite amount snot.

    I should not drive when I have my daughter in the car because I still have a potty mouth.

    A potty mouth is very hard to stop cold-turkey.

    Most people who drive are stupid – but I’m not ‘most people.’ 😉

    What looks like a little bit of pink medicine for a baby can leave a huge stain when spit out.

    It is never a good idea to take the first half of the day off on Friday.

    Migraines ruin even the most beautiful of days.

    Political reality is some bizarre dimension where only the candidates and their ‘surrogates’ live, but they seem to be allowed unlimited free passage to our world.

    Sports teams are never the same in real life as they are ‘on paper.’

    Being nice to people DOES pay you back over time.

    And when a baby/child smiles at you, things never seem quite so bad as they did a moment ago.

  • What A Difference A Year Makes

    In fifteen days my daughter turns 1 year old. A year ago, I couldn’t wait to meet her and hold her. Now I wonder where that year went. She’s all but walking, she’s animated and vocal, she’s happy and playful, in daycare and about to turn one.

    Some milestones this past year – some good, some sad:

    My parents celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

    My niece(s) graduated college.

    My first book was purchased by a publisher and is now out.

    My second book was purchased by the publisher for a release date in early 2013

    My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, had surgery, chemo, radiation and is now cancer free.

    We lost our dog, the first dog we got when Mike and I bought our first house.

    We learned we don’t like derechos – not that we knew what they were until we lived through one.

    We’ve watched her lay there, sleep through the night, sit up, roll around, stand up, get teeth, and start to show her personality. [We’re probably in trouble if what we see is a sign of things to come.]

    We’ve been stay at home dads for a time, had a nanny and are now beginning the daycare/pre-school experience.

    On her birthday, both sets of grandparents will be here to celebrate. The surrogate is coming with her aunt and cousin. It’s the first time the grandparents will meet the surrogate.

    It’s hard to imagine another year with this much happening. Like I said, what a difference a year makes.

  • Marriage Equality In Maryland – Vote Yes In November to Question 6!

    Yesterday I suggested that authors, like businesses, need to take a more measured approach when offering their opinions. A wise person who has been generous with his insight in the past, asked me, what good is the first amendment if we fail to exercise it by self censoring ourselves.  He further said that if something was near and dear to my heart before I began published a book, I ought to continue to speak out for it after the book came out. – Thank you Podga.

    That said I don’t know that I totally agree in that my online persona is not me in real life. In real life, using my true name, I can and do voice my opinions on things important to me – like the Gay Marriage fight in Maryland, where my partner and I are raising our 11 month old daughter.  But one thing that I came to realize, while taking a side on the gay marriage debate might not be the best thing to do for Dan Caty and Chik-fil-A, it will have zero effect if I do it.

    For those that don’t know, Maryland passed a bill in the spring to allow gay and lesbian couples to legally marry. In an odd quirk, the state recognizes gay marriages from other states, but won’t allow its citizens to marry in their own state. This came about when the Maryland Supreme Court refused to expand the definition of marriage to gay and lesbian couple, stating that ought to be something the legislator should do, but they found that state law required them to give full faith and credit to ALL out of state marriages.  So in effect, every gay couple in Maryland could go to DC, get married and Maryland would recognize it the same as if the ceremony had been done in Maryland. Practically, Maryland already allows gay marriage, you just can’t have the ceremony performed in Maryland. How such tortured logic can come from the ‘highest’ court in the state is baffling.

    The law that passed in the spring is, however, up for a referendum in Nov.  The wording is somewhat different than in past referendums in other states on the gay marriage issue.  In other referendums, the vote was to redefine marriage as only a man and a woman. Maryland’s referendum is much simpler. Do you want the gay marriage bill to remain a law – yes or no.  A straight up referendum on the law enacted.

    Some say this will help the law remain in effect because past battles a yes vote meant you were in favor of restricting marriage.  I think that’s wishful thinking. If you’re counting on  people not reading the question or being too stupid to understand it to win, that doesn’t say much about the strength of your position.  Rather I think people are able to figure out – yes, means keep the law – no, means overturn it.  Simple right?

    Having cleared up all lingering confusion, if you’re reading this and you live in Maryland – VOTE YES ON QUESTION 6.

    If you have family or friends in Maryland and you can exert any influence over said friend or relative, urge, cajole, shame, whatever it takes, to get them to VOTE YES ON QUESTION 6.

    The vote is close, but current polls suggest the referendum will pass and the law will remain. I would dearly love for Maryland to become the first state to uphold the gay marriage law in a statewide referendum. Let’s make it happen!

  • Writing In The Age Of Amazon And ePublishing . . . and a couple shameless plugs.

    Things have changed a bit for me since my book got published. For one thing, I need to be more careful of what I say on line. Take Dan Caty, President of Chik-fil-A whose anti-gay statements earned him a boycott by my family. Had Mr. Caty kept his views to himself, he would still be the same anti-gay marriage person he is, but he wouldn’t be pillared by so many LGBT people and their supporters.  Lessons learned:  1) What people don’t know they can’t hold against you; and 2) if you’re selling something, be as Switzerland like as you can in your on-line life. Thank you Dan Caty.

    What brought this up were two distinct events.  The first is a review – or rather a rating – I received on Goodreads for Second Shot. For those that have followed my writing, you know that this was my first attempt at a novel and I posted it, without any real editing, on Gay Authors to get feedback on how to improve.  Somehow it got listed on Goodreads and this week someone gave it 1 star.  Clearly this person didn’t like it, which is fine. I wish they’d have told me why, but in the end it doesn’t matter.  And from what I could tell of this person from their history, they have given more than a few 1 stars as well as 5s, 4s, 3s, & 2s.  It was not someone who joined up just to trash me.  So, while it’s a bit of a downer, it’s also a valid reflection of what a reader thought of the story. As the old adage goes, you can’t please everyone – Or can you. . . ?

    The second reason event that got me thinking about the whole on line rating/review system is that I read an article about a guy who made $28,000 a month writing fake book reviews for author’s on Amazon.  Here’s the story. The jist is, for a fee, he’d see that your book twenty or more 5 stars. That way, however good or bad the book, it would appear to be fabulous and hopefully attract a bevy of new-i.e. real, booking buying- readers.  I can say that I’ve read a number of books lately that have good ratings and reviews and been less than thrilled by the content.  None lived up to the hype given.  So even if they weren’t the product of a paid fake reviewer, who’s to say they weren’t done by friends and family at the request of the author? 

    The point is, how good/useful/accurate is the ‘peer’ review model that seems to rule the internet? Somehow because it’s ‘real’ people not professional reviewers giving the feed back, it’s supposed to be far better and more accurate than the old NY Times book review system.  I’m questioning this because it is so easy to manipulate these ratings.  Don’t think your rating is high enough? Get some friends to create an account and jack you up, or do it yourself, or better yet, do both.  Don’t like someone? Do the same in reverse and trash whatever they’re selling.  A 1 star rating can drag down someone’s rating more easily than a 5 star can pump it up. Getting on someone’s bad side can certainly negatively impact your rating.  And since a high peer review is necessary for getting sold, be as close to Switzerland as you can in your on line life, because you’re going to get enough 1 stars even without pissing people off. 

     

    Okay shameless plugs for those who have made it this far:

     

    First as you know, (Un)masked is out and available for sale. What you might not know is that the Goodreads M/M group is holding a fund raiser for a LGBT Youth organization one of the Moderators works with.  Anyta and I made a pledge to the M/M Romance Group Gives Back Charity Event tied to book sales of (Un)Masked. Basically for every book sold we’ll make a donation. Here’s a link to the Charity Event post, our pledge is the last post on the first page of the topic.  So if you’ve been thinking about buying the book, buy it in September because you’ll be helping a good cause too. [Not just my daughter’s college fund. 😛 ]

     

    Second, my nephew, Nicholas A. White, wrote a book.  He’s all of 20 and studying to be an engineer at Clemson. It is not a gay romance story, but it’s worth reading.  The book is called Forever In Carolina it’s available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble. If you need more of a reason to buy the book than to help out a first time author, he’s donating 20% of all profits from the book to Cancer Research.  Since it was self-published, he has a bit of upfront money to recoup, so help him out and buy the book if you can.

     

    Last, if you read this – the few of you that do – a comment now and then would be great. I’m weird like that, I like to hear from folks reading.  Even if it’s to say this.

     

    Thanks